How to pray for your spouse

This content first appeared on our podcast, Prayer in a Noisy World but because it’s one of our most commonly asked topics, we wanted to share it here along with a free PDF (sign up below) to help you pray for your spouse! 

What if there was one thing you could do today that would take just a few minutes that would have an eternal impact on your spouse and your marriage, would you do it??

I think we’d all say a resounding yes, but intentionally praying for our spouse is something that easily falls through the cracks of our overflowing days.

But I want to share a few reasons we can’t accept that excuse anymore. Besides the obvious of just interceding to the Lord on our spouse’s behalf and the power we are inviting, it can do two powerful things specifically as it relates to our marriage.

Prayer helps us go off the clock on “husband watch”. We are symbolically putting our husbands in God’s trustworthy hands instead of our own every time we pray. We can stop trying to fix and can simply love our husbands and lift them up to the Lord. If you feel like you spend a lot of time worrying about, critiquing or trying to fix your husband, prayer might change a lot.

Prayer also helps us soften our hearts to our spouses. Remember the verse where God says to pray for our enemies? Something happens when we do that. Hopefully, you don’t see your husband as your enemy, but maybe years of struggle have pitted you against each other. If we can even learn to have compassion for enemies because of God’s grace for us, how much more could we discover for the men we first fell in love with?

With that said though, it doesn’t give us a pretty mask for fixing our husband. This isn’t an opportunity for you to sit and think about all your husband’s flaws and give that list to God. How can you check your heart on your motives? Ask WHY you pray for your husband? Does it make you feel more frustrated and alert to his failings when you pray? Or does it help you rest in God’s plan?

And prayer takes time. We can’t check our husband each day like we’d check a tomato plant to see if it grew. Part of prayer as I’ve already mentioned is that we are trusting God in regards to our spouse. And that means patience and no magnifying glasses to see if any new sprouts have popped up.

Now let’s talk about a few practical things when it comes to how to actually pray.

Can I be honest with y’all first though? I procrastinated this topic pretty hard. Why am I procrastinating? Because this is a topic we get soooo many questions on and I feel like this has to have all the answers for you or be some definitive guide on the topic…all in a short post.

So let’s scrap that idea right now or else we won’t have this content for year. 😉

Instead, I’ll simply share a few helpful tips that have personally helped me as I pray for my husband Tyler.

1. Pray for spiritual things.

It’s easy for me to get caught up in praying for my husband’s job, his messed up back which are good things, but I want to spend more time praying for spiritual things that I can’t see with my eyes.

2. Pray for the long-term things.

Similar to #1, it’s easy to pray for the things in our everyday life. But what about praying for how my husband and I will parent teenagers? Specifically, two girls who go on dates with boys. Or what about praying for his integrity to finish this life well? Or for a mentor to sharpen him in the next phase of life?

3. ASK WHAT TO PRAY FOR.

Maybe, just maybe, there’s something on his mind that you haven’t picked up on. Hey, it’s possible! I am always surprised by this question because normally what Tyler tells me is different from what I assume occupies his thoughts or causes worries. You can also ask this another way by saying “what answered prayer they’d love to see?” It might spark a different request that weighs heavy but may involve other people.

4. ACCEPT YOUR HUSBAND’S JOURNEY.

If reading this makes you bummed that your husband isn’t on his knees each morning praying for you, don’t let the enemy steal prayers simply because you wish your spouse was praying for you the way you prayed for him. It serves no one.

5. PRAY MORE THAN YOU COMPLAIN.

My friend Michelle Myers had a tip in her book Famous in Heaven and at Home. “Spend 10 minutes in prayer for every 1 minute of criticism.” Yikes huh? Did we just book up our day with prayer? I’m kidding! But what a way to live, right? If it’s worth fussing about, it’s more than worth praying about. And if you aren’t willing to pray about it, maybe it’s not worth fussing about?

Ok, there you have it! A few quick tips for praying for your husband!

If you’re looking for a great list to get started, download our free PDF! You can stick it in your prayer journal or your current read and be reminded to pray specifically for your husband!

GET OUR ‘WHAT TO PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND’ PDF!